Alright. I am sitting down with a tin of milo, and am about to shovel a huge portion of the fucken thing into a porcelain mug. Milo is great tasting shit. Sometimes I just eat the powder straight out of the tin. Having the personal autonomy to eat this shit straight out of the tin was a childhood wet-dream of mine. Now that I am a fully grown adult, I shovel that crap right down my gullet. It’s extremely tasty shit, and I probably look like something out of a seedy 70s porno while eating it. It gives you tonnes of energy, and basically everyone likes the stuff. Even though it is very popular, you can come across the occasional cunt-bag who hates it; but hey, fuck them — this is good shit.
As I sit down with a mug of highly concentrated milo, I open up my web browser to see a disgusting cunt of an Englishman having a cry because he has been banned from Twitter. This cunt just won’t stop whining about having his ‘rights’ to “freedom of speech” removed by twitter because they deleted his account. Who fucken cares, right? Don’t pathetic little
arsewipes get banned from social media networks every single fucken day? I continued to sip my milo, moved my mouse to close the webpage, and then notice a strange quote from this cunt. He states, “Like all acts of the totalitarian regressive left, this will blow up in their faces, netting me more adoring fans.” Fucken hell, this fucken cunt really does have a victim complex, doesn’t he? Regressive left? HOLD THE PHONE! You were banned from Twitter (which is a pathetic fucken website anyway), and now you are blaming this on the so-called ‘regressive left’? You have got to be fucken kidding me.
I couldn’t help myself, I just needed to do some investigating into who this stupid, little, fucken arsewipe was. As I began to read further down the page, and noticed something that I had previously overlooked: his name, “MILO.” NO! FUCK OFF! MILO IS A FANTASTIC POWDER THAT IS DISOLVED INTO HOT LIQUID (or cold liquid if you are so inclined) AND CONSUMED FOR PLEASURE. Milo is NOT A WHINING, ENTITLED, FAGGOT, CONSERVATIVE WHO MAKES REDNECKS, NECKBEARDS, AND ANTI-FEMINISTS CUM IN THEIR JEANS! How dare this man blaspheme such a sacred product!? Milo, you are a fucken faggot! How dare you spoil the sacred (almost completely sexual) connection that I have with this amazing drink.
So, what happened on Twitter that got this fucken cunt banned? Milo claims it is because he is a conservative, but, apparently he slandered an actress from the new Ghost Busters film. At first, I thought this story was pathetically mild and quite a weak response from Twitter, until I saw more details. Apparently this cunt-stain reposted some fake Tweets with Leslie Jones’ name on his account (which is a form of defamation), and has had several warnings from the social network with past online behavior. The funny thing is, I seriously do not give a flying fuck whether this guy was banned or not. This makes no fucken difference to the price of cheese at the local supermarket. Twitter is a shit website, and it is also part of a privately owned corporation. When you sign up to that shit, you agree with the “terms and conditions” and if you breach them, you are gone. Yeah, no big deal there. So what is it about this story that I find so fucken fascinating?
Observe the following statement:
‘So perhaps what’s needed now is a bolder form of censure after all, because the internet is not a universal human right. If people cannot be trusted to treat one another with respect, dignity and consideration, perhaps they deserve to have their online freedoms curtailed. For sure, the best we could ever hope for is a smattering of unpopular show trials. But if the internet, ubiquitous as it now is, proves too dangerous in the hands of the psychologically fragile, perhaps access to it ought to be restricted. We ban drunks from driving because they’re a danger to others. Isn’t it time we did the same to trolls?‘
Well, isn’t that interesting? Guess where this quote came from? Did it come from the deep dark recesses of a Twitter administrator’s arsehole? Did it appear within the writings of the fringe-dwelling, feminist, regressive-left, fuckers who hate freedom? NO! This pathetic bullshit was written by shit-smelling fingers of Milo Yiannopoulos himself. He argues for the banning of trolls, as he advertises himself as a troll. It appears that much like many of the other conservatives who argue for “freedom of speech” only seem to give a fuck when it is THEIR speech, NOT yours. Second interesting piece of rhetoric, observe the screenshot at right where Milo Yiannopoulos writes, ‘If at first you don’t succeed (because your work is terrible), play the victim.’Barely two days later, this cunt is whinging to every News outlet he possibly can, claiming that his precious freedoms are under attack. Once again Milo, you are a fucken walking contradiction. Milo, do you know all those times you challenged your friends to see who could guzzle semen the quickest? How about you attempt to swap out the mixture of body fluids for a bit of honesty and integrity, and swallow your own fucken words. Some consistency might do you some fucken good, you stupid piece of conservative dog shit.
Back to my milo tin. I’m not sure I can look at this powder the same way again. The brand name of my childhood wet-dream has been tainted for all eternity by this loud, obnoxious, rightwing, christian, gay, fucken prick. Fuck you milo, fuck you and your pile of Jesus dicks! Take your conservative values, take your contradictions, take your ugly hair-do, and get fucked by the giant throbbing cock of logic and reason. It might be the best dick your arse has ever tasted.