Breaking news, the votes have been counted and it appears that the freedom fighters of fucken Utah have won! Utah are finally leaving the United States of Fucken America! Three six-fingered cheers for Utah!
So where to for Utah now? Well, Utah is able to make connections and trade with stronger nations that they have more in common with, such as North Korea, without the United States regulating them. North Korea’s strong level of social morality is why Utah supports them. This will help Utah to build a much stronger economy. The sovereign country of Utah can now purchase and sell guns without Uncle Sam constantly trying to remove their 2nd amendment rights. All families are entitled to a Surface to Air Missile to protect their children from school bullies, and their homes from atheists that wish to break-and-enter to fuck their baby chickens and sheep.
Utah has adopted many parts of the American Constitution and made some minor changes. They have removed the first amendment and replaced it with the second. They have also ratified the fourth amendment to exempt families to a right to privacy from each other. The second amendment has been changed to ban the disgusting homosexuals and anyone of an alternate lifestyle from entering our peaceful and moral country. Utah will also erect a national sex-education curriculum, and to save on tax dollars, ensure that it is minimal. This will also ensure that Utah children will not get the disgusting liberal fucken propaganda bullshit combining evolution with sex education. Instead, citizens of Utah are expected to teach their children (and parishioners if you are a pastor) procreation with a new, completely legal practical component. The practical component ensures that we save money and teach children “godly fucking,” fast.
Since leaving the United Fucken States of Oppressive Arsehole America, the citizens of Utah are given the freedom to reproduce with their teenaged children as they see fit. The new legal age of consent is 11, and any adult wishing to engage in sexual activities with a minor (person under the age of 11) is required written permission from their opposite sex partner (men are exempt from requiring permission). Weed has been completely banned, that shit is dangerous, and divorce is only allowed with special consideration. Masturbation is completely illegal, and women need to learn to cover up their disgusting little sinful arses, tits, hips, and vaginas with adequate clothing. No one wants to see the skin of a woman. Disgusting creatures.
This state is no longer a backwater state where the people will continue to be ignored by the oppressive secular, atheist-muslim government of Barack Obama. Utah is now an independent country that is allowed to have Christianity as a country-wide religion, with Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints being the official church. This country has liberated women to marry husbands that have more than one wife, and has legalised a complete ban on assertive women in married relationships. Utah has also wiped the internet completely clean of any pornographic material, excluding footage of Glen Beck copulating his pet goat, while reading the writings of Joseph Smith. Utah wishes to encourage it’s greedy fucken, pieces of degenerate shit, children to read from Prophet Smith’s writings. We have to keep those little turds humble and disciplined.
Utah will also be completely white. Blacks, Mexicans, and Canadians will no longer take jobs from Utah citizens. Non-whites will no longer have a chance taking Utah’s welfare (because welfare will be completely phased out in two months, you lazy cock-suckers better get back to work). To save money, Utah will remove child-protection (parents of children under 10 do this work just fine), remove all government services pertaining to healthcare, and all gun-regulatory bodies currently operating in the state of Utah.
On a different note, thank pretend-heavens this is satire. U-exit never happened. Praise non-existent Jesus.