JWs. Fucken JWs. Jehovah’s Fucken Witnesses happen to be the world’s biggest pains in the arse. You might be laying in bed morning, wanking to your favorite porn mag, watching Fox News, or the last episode of The Walking Dead, and that familiar knock happens at your door. When you finally pluck up the courage to leave the confines of your odorous smelling cave, you throw on a shirt or a sleeping gown, answer the door, and there stands two fuckwits dressed in clothing from the 1950s asking whether you have found “Jehovah.”
This happened to me only a week or two while I was travelling in Canada. The fuckwits were holding a copy of the Watch Tower, standing at my door at 9am on a mother fucken weekend. The aspect of this that gave me the shits the most is the fact that they were standing there so cock-sure that what they were selling me was something I would happily swallow. They had smiles on their faces, but they weren’t happy smiles, they were smug smiles. They were similar to the smile of Michael pre-pubic sucking Jackson after his 2003 court case settlement. You know? The smile that they know they are full of fucken shit, but wanted your attention anyway?
I could have turned these arsewipes down, BUT I didn’t. Instead, I engaged them in conversation. I asked them what they wanted, and they gave some bullshit spiel about how awful society is, how people are starving in Africa, and how violence is affecting the weak of our society. I told them that I had traveled all over the world and seen much of human corruption first hand. That’s when these arrogant religious cunts decided we were on a similar playing field. I asked them about their faith and asked them to back it up with bible verses. When they gave me a list of their ideals, I asked them what they thought of “gay marriage.” They were hesitant to answer, but after I pressed them, they admitted to being firm believers in “God’s original plan.” Ie. they hated the idea of faggot fucking.
I asked them whether they ate pork or planted different crops in the same field. They seemed to get a little agitated at this question. They then told me that this was old testament bullshit and that God doesn’t expect us to follow it anymore. That’s when I explained to them that you can tell a lot about a human by what aspects of their faith they hold sacred and that their ideas on gay marriage told me a lot about them. They got extremely offended at this comment and said it was a free country and that they simply believe what God told them to. They then went on to tell me how there would be “scoffers” at the end of time.
Persecution complex identified. It seems that these mother fuckers could talk smack all they liked about society, but the minute someone even remotely indicts them of something, they get all arsehurt over it. Fundamentalists, you really do show your true colors when you cherry pick your bible verses. The verses tend to suit you to a tee. This is no coincidence. Society is allowed to criticize you now. You aren’t being fucked over, you are just being doubted. Get use to it you entitled fuckwits!